A Kiss on the Hand May Be Quite Continental…

7 Jul

I find it amazing that the most ballsy men in my store are far from what most people would imagine. Instead of expecting to get hit on by young, self-absorbed men who reek of expensive cologne (or, God forbid, Axe), wear shirts with various sexual innuendos written on them in obnoxiously large fonts, or individuals who pull out crisp dollar bills from Gucci wallets, I have attracted men from a complete different end of the spectrum: they reek of ‘Lectric Shave, wear dress shirts that would look nice if they didn’t have mysterious coffee (well, let’s hope they’re coffee) stains on them, and their wallets consists of pant pockets that contain bills crumpled up so much that they are about the same size as the coins they carry that jingle around to create their own personal musical scores. That’s right–about 95% of the men who hit on me at work are elderly men and, after some discussion with fellow co-workers, I have discovered that this is certainly a common and almost “normal” thing for any young female cashier to experience.

This entry would be far too long if I described all of the past elderly male encounters that I have had, but I am certainly willing to touch on a few instances that were especially memorable. The first and most recent experience has been with a man that I call “The Chocolate Man.” He is an elderly man that still dresses like he probably did when he went to work every day, and always has a smile on his face that seems to be part happiness and part mild senility. The first time I met him, he asked me if I could help him find razors that would refill the new razor he bought a while ago. Lucky for me, he even brought IN his old razor, with stray hairs still nestled in between the blades, so that I may find exactly the one he needed. I brought him over to the razor display, explained to him which razor he needed, and brought the razors up to the counter for him. As I was ringing him up, I noticed him fishing in his pockets with a determined look on his face, and honestly I was starting to get a bit freaked out. After ringing him up, he finally pulled his hands out of his pockets and handed me two pre-wrapped pieces of Dove chocolate. He then told me how I was a “very beautiful girl” and asked what my name was. I told him, and he told me his name, shook my hand, and then he pulled my hand toward his mouth andkissed my hand. So, to sum it all up: I had my hand kissed and was given chocolate by an old man. Ah, if only these kinds of things happened with handsome, young men! Then again, I supposed chivalry really is dead (or about to die). I’m just amazed that this particular elderly customer had the gull to smack his lips on my hand in front of other customers! He’s attempted to do this since, but I’ve learned to pull my hand back quickly after he shakes it.

Some other more mild encounters I have had with elderly men include: an old man being so astonished by my kindness that he yelled “Marry me!” to me in front of about five different customers in line, another man who told me “I would be put in jail if I married you” (what the heck does that mean?), a man who told me that if he was fifty years younger he would have had the biggest crush on me, and a man who seems to enjoy coming into the store to rant to me about why everyone cares about celebrities and reality television but nobody cares about the war going on in Iraq.

My favorite elderly customer, however, is a wonderful regular who comes in that I like to call “Mr. Trouble”, but he deserves his own entire entry which will be written up very soon.

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