Not OK, Cupid.

15 Feb

As a late Valentine’s Day treat, I thought I would share some of the gems that I have encountered while wading through the cesspool of crazy, awkward individuals on dating sites. Let’s begin, shall we?

I received a message that read “I know since we don’t know eachother my opinion probably doesn’t mean anything to you but I think you look prettier without the bangs.” Okay, first of all? How dare you insult my bangs. They are amazing and I love them. Second of all, take a look at yourself:

Shouldn't you be on SatanicMatch.com?

I seriously almost fell off of my chair laughing. Please, for the love of all that is holy (or in his case, Satanic), do not give style advice to a woman if you look like a serial killer.

Here’s another great one:

Huh?

Actually, I must say that I was flattered to be called a gangster. Finally my days of rapping to Nicki Minaj have paid off!

This one is, hands down, my all-time favorite. Not only did he openly admit his shoe fetish, he also assumed I was enough of a freak to wear SIZE ELEVEN SHOES.

I couldn’t even wrap my head around this one. First of all, how the hell do you market a tugboat company? Second of all, I didn’t even know tugboats still exist. The last one I saw was a Little Tikes one floating around my bathtub when I was four.

I’m not going to lie: there are a lot of nice people who are doing online dating, it’s just that this is only a very small example of the useless crap you have to wade through in order to find them. Happy belated Valentine’s Day!

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10 Responses to “Not OK, Cupid.”

  1. silly_G February 15, 2012 at 8:46 pm #

    Haha…. the scrabble and liquor actually not bad!

    • I am Reptard February 15, 2012 at 9:23 pm #

      I know! In retrospect, it DOES seem kind of fun. Maybe I’d wear a monocle or something.

      • silly_G February 16, 2012 at 5:59 pm #

        I love dressing in character!!!

  2. alonewithcats February 17, 2012 at 12:17 am #

    No. Wrong. They are *no* nice people doing online dating. End of story.

    Except you. I’m sure you’re lovely.

    • I am Reptard February 17, 2012 at 9:54 pm #

      Sigh. I know, that was me trying to convince myself. You did get the part about me being lovely correct, though!

      It’s weird because I would assume that there are more awesome, normal lesbian chicks on OKCupid than the nasty, retarded straight men I have to wade through. I don’t know why I would assume that, but it’s probably because I’ve yet to meet a lesbian who wasn’t awesome (and on the other hand, I have met a lot of straight men who are…not awesome). I guess online dating is just a bitch for all of us. Still better than meeting people at bars, though.

      • silly_G February 18, 2012 at 11:56 am #

        As much as I complain about online dating, I have met some great dates and friends along the way. There’s nice people just like us! Its the sifting through the muck to find them that’s the problem!

      • I am Reptard February 18, 2012 at 3:34 pm #

        Thanks! I am trying to stay positive. It just seems like there’s such an air of desperation with a large majority of men in online dating. They get excited too quickly and just push way too much and it’s kind of a turnoff for me. That’s been my experience, at least.

  3. silly_G February 18, 2012 at 4:04 pm #

    The expectations people have are insane. I say people are brainwashed by the eharmony commercials. Like give me a break… get to know someone first before even thinking about the rest.

    • I am Reptard February 19, 2012 at 4:49 pm #

      SO true! In fact, I was hanging out with someone who has been dating a guy that she met online for two weeks, and they were discussing their families and she goes “Well, you’ll probably meet my Aunt one day and she’ll tell you about that story…” and I’m like huh? Am I crazy or is talking about someone meeting your family after two weeks jumping it a little? o_o People are too quick to find love and do not take the time to really see who they are with and make rational decisions.

  4. silly_G February 20, 2012 at 8:30 pm #

    Haha… that’s insane. I have had men want to introduce me to their children by the third date. People are nuts. Technology has warped dating! Being able to meet so many people is quite cool….. the pace people move at is ridiculous though!

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