Tag Archives: Klingon

“Do I Have To Sign for This?”

28 Oct


So easy that a baby could do it....? Nahhh.



In the super busy, technological world that we live in, where food is “fast” and cell phones are “smart”, there is a certain tradition–namely paying for a transaction–which seems to have not yet been mastered by the majority of the human race. To put it plainly: some stupid sonsofbitches don’t know how to use the debit machines at all.

I mean, even the styli (that’s plural for stylus, right? Oh well, you know what I mean) that is used to sign the screen is confusing for people. I have had customers try to use the stylus to write something down on paper, and I’ve also had customers use their own pen to sign the screen, which is totally fulfilling to do if you are self-absorbedĀ and like to leave your mark everywhere. I may not have been tested into the gifted program in middle school, and I might have totally bombed my SAT’s (when I sat down to take the test and heard it would take three hours, I kind of checked out mentally), but I feel like an absolute genius while at work just because even the most important-looking people fail to use a piece of technology that has been around since the late 60’s when IBM implemented their idea for credit cards with magnetic strips. Yes, I do my research!

My favorite thing is when I say “Okay, just select debit or credit on the screen” quite enthusiastically, I might add, and the customer goes “Well…what’s the difference?” Keep in mind that the customers who ask me this are usually older than I am (twenty-one) and have had more financial experiences in their lives than I certainly have. So, at that point, it’s basically up to me to play the role of Suze Orman and explain in layman’s terms how a debit card works: “Okay, so with debit, you enter your pin, and by entering the pin you are able to get cash back. When you use debit, the transaction usually goes through immediately with your bank. With credit, the transaction usually doesn’t go through right away, but most banks won’t charge you fees if you use credit while some stores charge you a fee for paying with debit. And no, I do not know if your bank charges you or not, so proceed with caution.” Usually by the time I’m done explaining this to them their facial expressions are akin to those of a person being explained quantum physics in Klingon. Then they usually say, “So I should use credit, right?” Sure. Use credit, use a friggin’ Mall Madness card, just use something and get the heck out of my store.

Lastly, I am quite concerned with Americans and their ability to think for themselves. Every debit card reader, for example, has a slot where you insert your card. Now, sometimes debit reader companies enjoy throwing stupid people for a loop and they, gasp, change the location of the slot. This usually causes customers to try sliding the card in slots which do not exist, or they put it in completely wrong. Little do many of them know that the companies have graciously put a little picture of the way the card is supposed to be inserted on the machine! No one ever seems to notice this picture, and I’m too nice to tell people about it either. But it would be totally awesome if customers could learn to notice such pictures.

I look forward to the day that robots take over the world–I really do. At least they’ll know where to do with their damn credit cards.

Here’s an awesome video I found about how to use a debit card. Please study this, people!

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