Tag Archives: Marriage

I Don’t Care About Your Goshdarn Wedding

1 Oct

Sparkles. Surprises. Magic. No, I’m not talking about the life of Disney Princesses, I’m talking about the moment that so many women dream of: engagement.

I’m turning twenty-five in a few months and I’ve only been to two friends’ weddings so far, but I am already absolutely SICK of hearing about rings, venues, flowers, suits, dresses, everything wedding-related. A lot of women would not say this out loud (but I bet some of you are silently nodding your heads in agreement), so I’ll go ahead and be the martyr: I don’t give a goshdarn hoot about your engagement or wedding unless you are one of my close friends.


No, I don’t want to read a 800-character blog post about your engagement day and how you spent the night clinking champagne in flutes from Pier 1 (and omg, you’re going to register there, right?) or how you’ve secretly had your wedding planned a year in advance thanks to your “One Day…” private Pinterest board. I am not happy for you unless I’ve seen you at your worst and best, I know everything about you and I am close with you. Then, and only then, can I truly be happy for an engaged woman.

This has nothing to do with jealousy. In fact, I have never — not even once — dreamt about my future wedding day. I could care less. It takes enough effort for me to decorate my work cubicle, let alone a wedding hall. Instead, there are two things that rub me the wrong way with weddings these days:

1. The money

2. The need to spend excess money and show off thanks to social media, which has turned us all into self-absorbed idiots.

Let’s go a bit more in-depth.


Guess what? Our economy is still crap. Heck, we just had a government shutdown. Despite the fact that many twenty-somethings don’t make even close to what their parents would have made in the same position several decades ago, and despite the fact that we all have huge loans that we can’t pay off with our entry-level jobs, we still find it acceptable to plan $15,000 weddings. Maybe I’m just a frugal old man deep inside, but I can’t justify spending that much money on anything, even if you “get a lot of it back in gifts.” I really applaud couples who wait a year and a half or two years to get married and save money together. But, at the same time, that money could be spent on a future house, a car that really is getting old, retirement money, who knows. It’s just So. Much. Money.

Social Media is Destroying Our Life Events

I recently came across this amazing article which basically outlines the true underlying reasons of why we all go on social media. Spoiler: none of it is good. We are becoming self-obsessed, anti-social bragaholics who go online to get gratification for our lives and “prove” to other people that we are a fully functioning and enviable member of society. It’s ridiculous! Engagements and weddings are probably the most magnified life events on social media sites. From close-up shots of the ring to constant status updates about wedding planning, it is no wonder that so many women feel that they are almost doing something wrong because THEY don’t have those statuses yet. The same can be said for posts about new jobs, pregnancies or even new cars. Social media, Facebook in particular, isn’t a place where people are real. Instead, it’s where the best version of everyone lives, and sometimes that version is embellished.

Engagements are special because you are making a promise to marry the love of your life. Weddings are special because you are promising to love that person, for better or for worse, until you both take your last breath. THAT is the beauty of weddings, and that beauty can’t be shown through a $15,000 wedding, and it doesn’t need to be. It’s an event that is for two people… for their lives… for their future together. That’s it. No dollar amount is going to make a marriage better or worse and, if you ask me, starting off a marriage in debt from the ring/main event is no good way to start a life together.

Am I crazy? Does anyone else agree?


Some Customers Should be Actors

16 Oct
Finger couple

A happy finger couple

I’ll say it before and I’ll say it again: this blog just writes itself. Every single time I start worrying about what my next entry is going to be, something absolutely crazy and story-worthy happens at my store. Today, of course, was one of those days.

An hour before I had to leave work, I had a woman come up to my register to ring some items up. She was probably in her fifties and looked like she was going out somewhere. A man came through the door as I was ringing her up, and he started walking past her, and this is the conversation that I witnessed (thankfully they were the only two people in the store at the time):

Woman, grabbing the man’s arm as he walks past: Hey, do I know you?

Man: Wait, yeah! Ten years ago on–

Woman: West 9th?

Man: West 9th, yes!

Woman: Haha yes! I think we slept together! That was…a good night. I’m Mary.

Man: Oh yeah, that was a good night. Patrick. Never got your name that night…

Woman: So what are you in here for?

Man: Ice cream. Hey, do you want to come over?

Woman: Well…yeah of course I do!


You know the look that cartoon characters get when something shocking happens and their jaw drops by like five feet? Yep, that was me.

I was standing there pretty much mid-scan just staring at both of them and wondering how two people could be so, well, open in public about having a one-night stand and possibly planning another one right in front of me. The man walked off, and the woman, seeing the complete look of shock on my face, laughed and said, “That’s my husband!” I just turned bright red and started laughing like a loon because I had no other way of covering up the complete relief that I was experiencing. I told them that they both needed to take up acting because they completely had me fooled!

This incident certainly reminded me that 1)  Marriage really does make you insane, and 2)I have learned so much through retail. When I was younger, I used to be a hopeless romantic and I lost a good majority of that when I got older and realized that being the clumsy, offbeat person that I am would not guarantee me my very own Bridget Jones moment. But, and I know this sounds completely mushy, working in retail actually helped to make me more hopeful and positive about finding a soul mate simply because I have witnessed so many couples who you can tell are still completely crazy about each other. It especially melts my heart when I ring up elderly customers who still hold hands, make each other laugh, or poke fun at one another. As I’ve said to others, I realized through watching some very happy couples that having a good sense of humor is the main ingredient in a happy and long-lasting relationship. And usually, when I find myself thinking of these cute couples and how they have taught me so much and given me so much hope, I get a customer out of nowhere who is screaming and crying to their significant other via the world’s largest and most obnoxious Bluetooth headset. But that is just another life lesson that retail has taught me: life really is just a random jumble of emotionally-charged strangers. Except, of course, when the strangers actually know each other and partake in evil plots to completely bamboozle certain retail employees.




%d bloggers like this: