In the midst of a terrible economy, I did the unthinkable: I managed to find an entry level marketing job that is with a good company. After going through fifteen interviews with about six different companies in August and wearing suits more times a week than even Diane Keaton does, let’s just say that I was exhausted, on the verge of tears and really fucking sick of talking about myself and where I want to be five years from now.
Seriously, if anyone should be protesting anything, they should be fighting against ever having companies ask that question in interviews. During one particular interview–an interview that I knew was going to lead nowhere but decided to use for “practice” anyway–I was particularly tempted to just go all out and say what I really would like to be doing five years from now:
“Well, ideally I’d like a stable income of some sort, a relationship with a cute, sane guy (preferably with a Scottish accent, but I realize that’s just being picky), an apartment of my own and a cat.”
That’s it. Because, up until now, I’ve tried to stick to such harsh guidelines for myself that I feel like I’ve missed out. And, let’s face it–so much happens within a five year span. All I know is that I want a few simple things, and I could really care less about the rest.
Saturday was my last day in Retail Robot land, and I was able to do a lot of thinking while putting up the sales signs for the very last time. I realized that, as much as I like to say that I enjoy change and enjoy trying new things, I find myself being gridlocked by the allure of security. I think many people do: the boyfriend you’re afraid to leave just for the fear of being alone, the area you’ve grown up in that you’d like to leave but never really do, the job that you have been at for so long that you don’t even know how to be the new person again at a company, and it scares you so much that you just stay in one place. I realized that, at this point in my life, I have to accept that a lot of my security blankets have been pulled out from underneath me. I am no longer in school for the first time in my life, and I have had to quit a place that I’ve been working with for a long time. And even though it’s a bit scary, it’s also pretty exhilarating.
Security is comforting and, yes, it keeps us from being hurt. But being safe can lead to such a stagnant life. Since graduating, and since quitting my internship and my retail job, I’ve found myself slowly peeling away my security blanket and walking slowly through the world without that extra layer of protection on my shoulders. I know that there are a lot of changes and situations that I’m going to have to face throughout the coming year–some of which I am very hopeful about, and some of which I’m not so sure of. But you only live once!
I will certainly miss my co-workers. Before working at that store, I had never been around so many people who understood my way of thinking and my interests. I will miss discussing video games for eight hours with a certain co-worker, and I will miss pondering the meaning of life and whether we are all in the Matrix with the forty year-old hippie dirtbiker co-worker. All in all, there was never a dull conversation at that store. But, in the end, I walked away from my one and only retail job with a smile in my face and a new-found sense of self in my soul.
I certainly would like to continue this blog with some new, non-retail material. Stay tuned!
I Am Reptard 